True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
