cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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