What a fucking waste of an outfit
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
the raccoons are back...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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