Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
