Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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