she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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