I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
