I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
