went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
