I love black thongs
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
