Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Randomize
