oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
