You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
