I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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