So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
