apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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