wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
