Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
