he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
