There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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