Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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