I got chris browned last night
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
