you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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