im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
