Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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