i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
