I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
