i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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