Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
