Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
