I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
