He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just cut my nipple shaving
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
