Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
