people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
