I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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