I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
