Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
