seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
