Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
