the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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