Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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