The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
