Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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