one two three fourrrrnication!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
