the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
you never un-have a 4some
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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