her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
