Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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