Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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