From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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