WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
