Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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