kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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