I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
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driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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