How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
