I will die if light touches me.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
