I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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