the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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