Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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