how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Shame is for Republicans.
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