My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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