so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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