Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
