fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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