belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
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I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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