i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
