Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
