If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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