Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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