either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
