I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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