go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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