I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
