shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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