I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
