what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
