He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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