I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
