google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
someone owes me an orgasm
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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