so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And then my night got REAL pukey
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
