my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
