HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize