Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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