Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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