he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
