So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
