i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
