There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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