Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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