You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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