found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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