she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
