HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
