I wish my penis had an off switch
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
