You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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