Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
